“I was born and raised in the Caribbean and became a believer in Christ during my adulthood. I always tried to understand “why me?” I constantly told “whoever was up there,” that I did not ask to come to Earth, and asked “why am I here?” Also, I made it known that I did not want to be here and suggested that I be taken out of here.

As you are reading this, it’s obvious that I am still here. As a result of several Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) that yielded “complex trauma” prior to age 18 and thereafter, survival plagued me into adulthood, and I didn’t know why. I thought it was unfair, that I experienced several forms of abuse; and I certainly didn’t ask for it. Furthermore, if there was a God, none of it including, numerous losses & life stressors would have happened to me. It was over a 28-year period that my heart could care less about God and became hardened. My Motto was: “If there was a God, none of this would have happened to me.”

As a result, my search for identity throughout the years ranged from being an Atheist to Agnostic to Vodun practitioner, nearly becoming a Mambo (Priestess). Throughout the Caribbean and in my country, this person would: “Wuk Obeah,” otherwise be a witch doctor. After all, the latter, due to my predominantly African heritage surely had to be it. I had researched other religions, but intellectually found errors with them. Yet still, even a deeper assimilation to my “cult-ure” did not fill the void deep in my heart. 

In my mind, the world said there was no God, and similarly I said there was no devil. I intellectualized everything about a Creator of the Universe and believed the “Big Bang” theory. Believers in Christ didn’t dare tell me anything about God because I had an answer for their every effort. Why were they talking about serving a God they could not see? It was pure nonsense to me, and I dared them to prove it. Well, God himself proved himself to be real to me and “that was that” or as they say, the rest is history. (See video of my testimony in entirety).

My friend, we are all going to spend eternity somewhere following our “second death” and I would rather be safe and sound in relationship with God than away from his presence. Especially after experiencing Satan in Voudun, I knew for sure I don’t want to spend eternity with him. Forget what you heard! My friend, there is a lot we don’t and won’t understand while on Earth. However, know you are a three-part being: A spirit, in a body, with a soul (mind, will and emotions). You choose where your “spirit-person” or component will reside after it leaves Earth during our first death. We have the Freedom to choose. “It will cost you nothing to believe and everything not to” is the anonymous saying. After God spoke his word to me through his word while lost and in my mess, I had nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

Therefore, if you have struggled or suffered in any way like me, I want to tell you God never intended you journey life alone. I want you to know that God’s mind is always on you. EstherzCrown International Ministry (ECIM) is a God idea because you are on his mind. He has entrusted us to serve you through your trauma with his love. As a result, our Reflective Trauma- Informed groups, Mental Health Coaching and Life Coaching services are available FREE to you. You can receive psychoeducation about Trauma (and no you are not crazy), understand your traumatic wounds, and recognize that God wants you healed. You in turn will help others to heal.

Someone needs to hear your story, how you healed, and received empowerment through hope in Jesus. Only God alone knows the plans he has for your future. (Jeremiah 29:11).